GRE写作6分argument范文讲解剖析3

The following memorandum is from the business manager of Happy Pancake House restaurants:

"Recently, butter has been replaced by margarine in Happy Pancake House restaurants throughout the southwestern United States. This change, however, has had little impact on our customers. In fact, only about 2 percent of customers have complained, indicating that an average of 98 people out of 100 are happy with the change. Furthermore, many servers have reported that a number of customers who ask for butter do not complain when they are given margarine instead. Clearly, either these customers do not distinguish butter from margarine or they use the term 'butter' to refer to either butter or margarine."

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

【满分范文赏析】

The author argues that Happy Pancake House (HPH) customers are unable to distinguish between butter and margarine or they do not care that they are being served margarine instead of butter. To support the argument, the speaker points out that the HPH's southwestern restaurants, which now serve margarine instead of butter, only received a total of 2% consumer complaints. The author indicates that reports from servers show customers asking for butter have not complained when given margarine instead. This argument is unconvincing for several reasons.

【本段结构】

本文采用了标准的Argument开头段结构，即C—A—F的开头结构。本段首先概括原文的Conclusion，之后简要提及原文为支持其结论所引用的一系列Assumption及细节，最后给出开头段到正文段的过渡句，指出原文的Flaw，即这些Assumption无法让原文的结论具有说服力。

【本段功能】

作为Argument开头段，本段具体功能就在于发起攻击并概括原文的结论，即HPH的顾客无法区分Butter和Margarine，或者他们根本就不关心他们得到的是Margarine而非Butter。本段接下来提到了原文中为支持之前的Conclusion所提供的证据，即仅仅2%的顾客对这一改变提出了抱怨，并且根据服务员的报告，当得到的是Margarine而非Butter的时候，顾客们并没有抱怨。文章提及这些信息，为是在正文段中对这些Assumption即将进行的具体攻击做铺垫。

Firstly, the speaker does not indicate the length of time that these restaurants have been refusing margarine to customers. If the change is a very recent one, it is possible that insufficient data have been collected to draw any reliable conclusions. So, without the certainty of trustworthy data, conclusions should not be drawn.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即先是提及原文的第一个逻辑错误，之后分析该逻辑错误的原因，接下来，进一步分析这样的错误为什么让原文的Conclusion不成立。

【本段功能】

作为正文第一段，本段攻击原文所犯的第一个重要逻辑错误——样本类错误。如果这个餐厅采取的这个改变是最近才发生的，那么可能顾客们还能短时间内忍受，因此很少抱怨。但如果时间久了，抱怨的人可能逐渐增多。换句话说，在仅仅很短时间里采取的样本并不充分的情况下，原文的关于顾客并没有抱怨的结论是不合理的。

Secondly, the speaker fails to indicate what portion of HPH customers order meals calling for either butter or margarine. One should not presume that all dishes served at this restaurant even call for butter. It is conceivable that a significant percentage of HPH customers do not order pancakes, or prefers fruit or another topping instead.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即先是提及原文的第二个逻辑错误，之后分析该逻辑错误的原因，接下来，进一步分析这样的错误为什么让原文的Conclusion不成立。

【本段功能】

作为正文第二段，本段攻击原文所犯的第二个重要逻辑错误——样本类错误。原文说道，那些点了Butter的顾客在得到Margarine之后并没有抱怨。但是，有可能这些人点的实际上是Butter和Margarine两者皆可的菜。在没有考虑到这些顾客样本的情况下，原文并不能证明顾客对于HPH的这个改变是没有抱怨的。

Thirdly, the speaker assumes that HPH customers unhappy with the change generally complain about it. Maybe instead of expressing displeasure, customers simply don’t return. Since we don’t know how many, if any people simply walked away from the pancake fiasco without so much as offering a word, one simply cannot rely on a low amount of complaints as a total indicator that there is no problem with the policy. Two additional problems involve the reports from "many" servers that "a number" of customers asking for butter do not complain when served margarine instead. These vague generalities are not helpful in the formulation of an argument.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即先是提及原文的第三个逻辑错误，之后分析该逻辑错误的原因，接下来，进一步分析这样的错误为什么让原文的Conclusion不成立。

【本段功能】

作为正文第三段，本段攻击原文所犯的第三个重要逻辑错误——样本类错误。原文提到只有2%的人会抱怨HPH的这个改变，这意味着剩下的98%的人不会抱怨。但事实上，很有可能是因为这些顾客只是不愿意说出来罢了。此外，服务员的关于顾客抱怨的Report也不是很有说服力。因此，原文并不能证明的确是很少顾客抱怨HPH的这个改变。

In sum, the speaker's argument requires further development. To better assess the situation before making a recommendation, an audience would need to know: (1) how long the change has been in effect in the Southwest, (2) what percentage of HPH servers and managers have received customer complaints about the change, and (3) the number of such complaints as a percentage of the total number of HPH customers who order meals calling for either butter or margarine. To strengthen the argument, the speaker must provide clear evidence that HPH customers in all other regions are likely to be happy with the change and continue to patronize HPH thereafter.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument结尾段结构，即C—S的结尾结构。首先再次重申原文Conclusion是站不住脚的，接下来给出可以增强原文说服力的合理的Suggestion，包括原文作者需要进一步提供的证据和细节信息等。

【本段功能】

本段作为结尾段，具体功能即为总结归纳+提出建议。段落首先再次重申强调原文作者的论证不合理，接下来给出合理的建议：这个改变发生了多久，顾客抱怨的实际百分比是多少，以及在其它地区的顾客对于这种改变的态度是什么。只有在全面考虑这些问题后，原文才能更有说服力。此外不难发现，结尾段总结提出的建议与正文各段中依次攻击的错误遥相呼应，即分别对应了样本类错误和类比类错误，这使全篇文章显得浑然一体。

【满分要素剖析】

【语言表达】

本文的语言使用规范、清晰，词汇也用得准确地道，并使用多变的句式让考官读起来津津有味，这些都是GRE写作官方的语言要求。同时，文章的结构型语言和内容型语言相得益彰，结构是骨架，内容是血肉，二者完美结合。

1) The author argues that…(标志性的Argument开头段引出原文结论的语言表达形式。)To support the argument, the speaker points out that… The author indicates that… This argument is unconvincing for several reasons.(标志性的指出文章错误的语言表达。整体开头段是标准的C—A—F的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

2) Firstly, the speaker does not indicate… If the change is a very recent one, it is possible that… insufficient data have been collected to draw any reliable conclusions. So, without the certainty of trustworthy data, conclusions should not be drawn.(标志性的时间过短导致样本类错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

3) Thirdly, the speaker assumes that… Maybe instead of… Since we don’t know how many, if any… one simply cannot rely on a low amount of… as a total indicator that… Two additional problems involve the… These vague generalities are not helpful in the formulation of an argument.(标志性的样本不充分导致样本类错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

4) Finally, even if… the speaker assumes that customers in other regions will respond similarly to the change. Perhaps individuals in the test area are generally less concerned than other people about…(标志性不同地区的类比类错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

5) In sum, the speaker's argument requires further development. To better assess the situation before making a recommendation, an audience would need to know... To strengthen the argument, the speaker must provide clear evidence that…(标志性的包含他因的因果类错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

【逻辑结构】

本文的写作体现出了非常严谨的开头段—正文段1、2、3、4—结尾段的逻辑体系：

(开头段)This author argues that…

(正文段1)Firstly, the speaker does not indicate…

(正文段2)Secondly, the speaker fails to indicate what portion of…

(正文段3)Thirdly, the speaker assumes that…

(正文段4)Finally, even if…

(结尾段)In sum, the speaker's argument requires further development… Additionally, the author must account for…