GRE写作6分argument范文讲解剖析4

The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.

“Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.”

【满分范文赏析】

In this memo Omega University’s dean points out that Omega graduates are less successful in getting jobs than Alpha University graduates, despite the fact that during the past 15 years the overall grade average of Omega students has risen by 30%. The dean indicates that during the past 15 years Omega has encouraged its studentsto evaluate the effectiveness of their professors. The dean reasons that student evaluations led professors to increase grades, which has, in turn, created a perception among employers that the grades of Omega graduates are not actually representative of their real quality. The dean concludes that to enable Omega graduates enjoy better job placement, the university must terminate its professor-evaluation procedure. This argument is unconvincing because it contains several flaws in logic.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument开头段结构，即C—E—F的开头结构。段落首先概括原文的Conclusion，接下来概括原文为支持其结论所引用的一系列Evidence，最后给出开头段到正文段的过渡句，指出原文在逻辑上含有多处Flaw。

【本段功能】

本段作为Argument开头段，具体功能就在于发起攻击并概括原文的结论，即：为了让其毕业生获得更好的工作，Omega大学应该现在停止学生评估教授的程序。本段分布列举了原文为支持其结论所引用的证据——尽管在过去15年内Omega学生的总平均成绩提高了30%，Omega大学的毕业生在就业时不如Alpha大学的毕业生成功、学生对教授的评估导致教授提高成绩，进而使雇主们产生Omega毕业生的成绩不能代表他们的真实品质这一印象等等。这些信息的归纳为正文段中即将进行的具体攻击作铺垫。

One problem with the argument is that the current evaluation process is not a mandatory one and the deandoesn’t state how many people participated. The dean provides no evidence about the number of students or percentage of the study body who participate in the procedure. Without such evidence,drawing a link between the evaluation of professors and their grading trends is not possible. Without such a link, an audience cannot be expected to accept that the termination of the above-mentioned evaluation would, in fact, have any effect on grading.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第一个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

【本段功能】

本段作为正文第一段，攻击原文中出现的第一个重要逻辑错误——调查类错误。本段指出学校现有的评估过程不是强制性的，院长也没有说明有多少人参与了调查。院长没有对参与这一程序的学生人数或在学生群体中所占的百分比提供证据。如果没有这样的证据，是不可能建立学生对教授的评估和教授的评分趋势之间的联系的。如果没有如此联系，不能指望观众接受学生对教授的评估的终止将对教授的评分产生任何影响这一论断。

The argument is based on the assumption that the grade-average increase is somehow related to the evaluation procedurerather than some other phenomenon. The dean ignores a host of other possible explanations for the increase. For example, a trend at Omega toward higher admission standards, or higher quality instruction or facilities could have produced the increased grades. Without ruling out this or other possible explanations for the grade-average increase, the dean cannot expect to convince an audience that by terminating the evaluation procedure Omega would curb its perceived grade inflation, let alone help its graduates get jobs.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第二个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

【本段功能】

本段作为正文第二段，攻击原文中出现的第二个重要逻辑错误——忽略他因。原文假设平均成绩的提升是以某种方式和评估的程序而不是某种其它的现象联系起来的。院长忽视了诸多对于这一成绩提升的其它可能解释。例如，Omega录取学生标准提高的趋势或高质量的教学和设施均可能导致了成绩的提升。本段最后指出：院长在没有排除这些其它可能导致平均成绩提升的解释之前，是不能指望说服观众Omega大学停止其评估程序将抑制其成绩通胀，更不用提将帮助其毕业生找到工作了。

Even if the evaluation procedure has resulted in grade inflation at Omega, the dean’s claim that grade inflation explains why Omega graduates are less successful than Alpha graduates in getting jobs is unjustified. The dean overlooks a myriad of other possible reasons for Omega’s comparatively poor job-placement record. Perhaps Omega’s career services are inadequate.Perhaps Omega’s curriculum does not prepare students for the job market as effectively as Alpha’s. In short, without the true results of a comparative analysis, there is no way we can determine that this is why graduates have been less successfully placed.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第三个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

【本段功能】

本段作为正文第三段，攻击原文中出现的第三个重要逻辑错误——忽略他因。即使评估程序导致了Omega学生的成绩通胀，院长关于为什么Omega的毕业生在就业时没有Alpha的毕业生成功的论断也不能被证明正确。院长忽视了种种其它可能导致Omega就业情况记录较差的原因。或许Omega的职业服务不适当，或许Omega的课程不能像Alpha的课程那样有效地为学生们的就业做准备。本段最后指出：如果没有一个比较分析的真实结果，我们无从决定这就是毕业生就业并不成功的理由。

Even if the dean can prove the assumptions, his assertion that Omega must terminate its evaluation procedure to enable its graduates to find better jobs is still unwarranted. First, the dean ignores other ways that Omega could potentially increase its job-placement record. For example, by improving its public relations or career-counseling services, the university may be able to gain a better reputation and deliver better potential employees. Second, the dean seems to equate “more” jobs with “better” jobs—there is no analysis of the jobs that Alpha graduates were placed in. In other words, even if more Omega graduates were able to find jobs as a result of the dean’s recommended course of action, the kinds of jobs Omega graduates find would not necessarily be better ones.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第四个逻辑错误的错误类型和其在原文中出现的位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。

【本段功能】

本段作为正文第四段，攻击原文中出现的第四个重要逻辑错误——因果类错误。即使院长能够证实前述假设，他关于Omega必须停止其评估程序以使其毕业生找到更好的工作的断言依然是无根据的。首先，院长忽视了Omega可以潜在地提高其就业记录的方式，例如改善其公共关系或职业咨询服务等。其次，院长似乎将“更多的”工作和“更好的”工作划等号，也没有对Alpha的毕业生所处的工作进行分析。换而言之，即使院长所建议的行动促使更多的Omega毕业生能够找到工作，他们所找到的工作的种类也并不一定是更好的。

In sum, the dean’s argument is not persuasive. To strengthen the argument, the dean must provide a clear link between grade average, the professor-evaluation procedure and employer perception. Evidence that might establish this link could include: the percentage of Omega students participating in the evaluation procedure, Omega’s admission standards and quality of education, and Omega’s emphasis on job training and career preparation.

【本段结构】

本段采用了标准的Argument结尾段结构，即C—S的结尾结构。段落首先再次重申原文站不住脚的Conclusion，接下来给出可以增强原文说服力的合理的Suggestion，包括原文作者需要进一步提供的证据和信息等。

【本段功能】

本段作为Argument结尾段，具体功能即为总结归纳+提出建议。段落首先再次重申强调Argument作者的论证不合理，接下来给出合理的建议：院长必须在平均成绩、教授评估程序、和雇主印象之间建立清晰的联系。可建立这一联系的证据包括：参与评估程序的Omega学生的百分比、Omega的录取标准和教育质量、以及Omega在对学生的工作训练和职业准备上的强调。不难发现，结尾段总结提出的建议非常规整地与正文各段中依次攻击的错误遥相呼应，使全篇文章显得浑然一体。

【满分要素剖析】

【语言表达】

本文的语言使用规范、清晰，词汇也用得准确地道，并使用多变的句式让考官读起来津津有味，这些都是GRE写作官方的语言要求。同时，文章的结构型语言和内容型语言相得益彰，结构是骨架，内容是血肉，二者完美结合。

1) In this memo … points out that …. The dean indicates that ….The dean reasons that ….(引出原文为支持其结论所引用的一系列的荒谬论据。)The dean concludes that ….(标志性的Argument开头段引出原文结论的语言表达形式。)This argument is unconvincing because it contains several flaws in logic.(标志性的指出文章错误的语言表达。整体开头段是标准的C—E—F的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

2) One problem with the argument is that … and the dean doesn’t state …. The dean provides no evidence about …. Without such evidence, drawing a link between … and … is not possible. Without such a link, an audience cannot be expected to accept that ….(标志性的调查类错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

3) The argument is based on the assumption that … is somehow related to … rather than some other phenomenon. The dean ignores a host of other possible explanations for …. For example, …. Without ruling out this or other possible explanations for …, the dean cannot expect to convince an audience that ….(标志性的忽略他因错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

4) Even if …, the dean’s claim that … is unjustified. The dean overlooks a myriad of other possible reasons for …. Perhaps …. Perhaps …. In short, without the true results of a comparative analysis, there is no way we can determine that this is why ….(标志性的忽略他因错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

5) Even if the dean can prove the assumptions, his assertion that … is still unwarranted. First, the dean ignores other ways that … could …. For example, …. Second, the dean seems to equate … with … —there is no analysis of …. In other words, even if … as a result of the dean’s recommended course of action, ….(标志性的因果类错误的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

6) In sum, the dean’s argument is not persuasive. To strengthen the argument, the dean must provide a clear link between …. Evidence that might establish this link could include: ….(标志性的Argument结尾段的Conclusion—Suggestion体系的语言和逻辑模版体系。)

【逻辑结构】

本文的写作体现出了非常严谨的开头段—正文段1、2、3、4—结尾段的逻辑体系：

(开头段)In this memo … points out that ….

(正文段1)One problem with the argument is that ….

(正文段2)The argument is based on the assumption that … is somehow related to … rather than some other phenomenon.

(正文段3)Even if …, the dean’s claim that … is unjustified.

(正文段4)Even if the dean can prove the assumptions, his assertion that … is still unwarranted.

(结尾段)In sum, the dean’s argument is not persuasive.

特别值得一提的是本文正文第四段的写作。该段首先通过Even if the dean can prove the assumptions, his assertion that Omega must terminate its evaluation procedure to enable its graduates to find better jobs is still unwarranted.一句严谨地指出原文中出现的因果类错误。接下来，段落通过First, the dean ignores other ways that Omega could potentially increase its job-placement record. For example, by improving its public relations or career-counseling services, the university may be able to gain a better reputation and deliver better potential employees. Second, the dean seems to equate “more” jobs with “better” jobs—there is no analysis of the jobs that Alpha graduates were placed in. In other words, even if more Omega graduates were able to find jobs as a result of the dean’s recommended course of action, the kinds of jobs Omega graduates find would not necessarily be better ones.递进地对该错误进行深入分析，充分展现出了正文段严密的逻辑思路。